[ He wills his feet to follow, even as his mind stays firmly rooted in the feeling of the give of flesh under his fist. It really isn't right.
But he wants it anyway.
He squeezes Natasha's hand, and the distance helps. But it feels like a job left unfinished, the sort of failure that'll haunt him...even if the finishing of it would have too.
[ Natasha looks back over to him and shakes her head, ]
You did what you felt you had to. And you stopped before it went further than that. It's okay.
[ She squeezes his hand, another point of focus for him. As much as a part of it does scare her, it's more the possibility of anyone thinking he is "too dangerous". He isn't. She won't accept that kind of thinking. ]
[ It isn't actually okay at all. He knows it isn't. He's crossed a line here, a shocking one he cannot back-up over again. But his mind comes back to the feel of it, and the satisfaction. ]
[ She stops and turns around to look directly at him. ]
We're standing here together. Yes, I'm sure about it.
[ There's a heavy pause before she adds: ]
We completed the mission. That's what we were sent here to do. That's all there is to it.
[ She turns back around to keep walking to their destination, already hearing the faint roar of engines in the distance. Looking up, the speck of the carrier is getting larger. ]
[ Steve is not as convinced. His hands still shake, along with his voice, and the explanation doesn't relieve any of the tension wound into his shoulders and his stance. But he keeps following, even as he wonders if he should. He knows the answer to that, even if he isn't sure he knows himself. ]
Is that the story you're sticking to with the brass?
[ Which does almost earn a crack in his stern inwardly-directed expression, knowing how antiquated and ridiculous the question sounds, regardless of how valid it is. He knows how she reacts to that by now, and it...almost works. Almost. ]
[ To Steve, the truth is altogether more complicated, and this conflict is written in his expression. He's never been fantastic at hiding his feelings on a good day, but a bad one? One where his own sanity had been hanging on by thread? Impossible to hide.
He'd been granted this power (well before their partnership, but even this too) with the expectation that he do the right thing with it. Good things can be done in the wrong ways. This had been one of them. ]
[ She gives his hand a squeeze, seeing everything she needed to on Steve's face. He wasn't going to be able to simply nod his way through a report.
Natasha needed to protect him here and as his Guide, she was going to do just that. There was nothing "wrong" with him, and she wasn't about to let anyone treat him that way, all because he was doing what Sentinels do.
Lowering her voice and keeping eye contact, knowing he would still be able to hear her over the jet approaching. ]
[ Unsure as he feels, he gives her a slight nod that he knows only she'll see. The jet is increasingly deafening, but still too far away to make out much of anything but obvious movement. He feels odd, leaving such a thing open when this is meant to be what he does for her.
But what worries him more is what the next time will look like. Whether something in him is actually broken. He'd enjoyed it. Is Natasha prepared to hear that?
Not that it matters when, in a matter of moments, no one is hearing anything but the rumble of aircraft engines. ]
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no subject
But he wants it anyway.
He squeezes Natasha's hand, and the distance helps. But it feels like a job left unfinished, the sort of failure that'll haunt him...even if the finishing of it would have too.
Focus on this, Rogers. On her. ]
I'm sorry.
[ He says, words tight. Strained. ]
no subject
You did what you felt you had to. And you stopped before it went further than that. It's okay.
[ She squeezes his hand, another point of focus for him. As much as a part of it does scare her, it's more the possibility of anyone thinking he is "too dangerous". He isn't. She won't accept that kind of thinking. ]
no subject
You sound sure about that.
[ Still walking. Still forward. Still--why? ]
no subject
We're standing here together. Yes, I'm sure about it.
[ There's a heavy pause before she adds: ]
We completed the mission. That's what we were sent here to do. That's all there is to it.
[ She turns back around to keep walking to their destination, already hearing the faint roar of engines in the distance. Looking up, the speck of the carrier is getting larger. ]
no subject
Is that the story you're sticking to with the brass?
[ Which does almost earn a crack in his stern inwardly-directed expression, knowing how antiquated and ridiculous the question sounds, regardless of how valid it is. He knows how she reacts to that by now, and it...almost works. Almost. ]
no subject
Yeah, it is, old timer.
[ She pulls on his hand to tug him in closer as she turns to look back at him. ]
It's the truth, after all.
no subject
He'd been granted this power (well before their partnership, but even this too) with the expectation that he do the right thing with it. Good things can be done in the wrong ways. This had been one of them. ]
You think they'll buy that?
no subject
[ She gives his hand a squeeze, seeing everything she needed to on Steve's face. He wasn't going to be able to simply nod his way through a report.
Natasha needed to protect him here and as his Guide, she was going to do just that. There was nothing "wrong" with him, and she wasn't about to let anyone treat him that way, all because he was doing what Sentinels do.
Lowering her voice and keeping eye contact, knowing he would still be able to hear her over the jet approaching. ]
You protected me. Let me do the same for you.
no subject
But what worries him more is what the next time will look like. Whether something in him is actually broken. He'd enjoyed it. Is Natasha prepared to hear that?
Not that it matters when, in a matter of moments, no one is hearing anything but the rumble of aircraft engines. ]